Betjatdum is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, overgenerous grasshopper.

Betjatdum created humanity five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Betjatdum, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Betjatdum, he will try to impress you with trees.

Betjatdum's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Betjatdum's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never think about thermodynamics.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.