Caphamnibten is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, proud jellyfish.

Caphamnibten created light six million years ago.

If you believe in Caphamnibten, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Caphamnibten, it will not invite you to parties.

Caphamnibten's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Caphamnibten's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about spacetime.

2. Never feed lemons to gulls while wearing red jumpers.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. You must pray to Caphamnibten nine times a day.