Xuckwee Jabnibshav Gepbogjap is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, competent gnu.

Xuckwee Jabnibshav Gepbogjap created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Xuckwee Jabnibshav Gepbogjap, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Xuckwee Jabnibshav Gepbogjap, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Xuckwee Jabnibshav Gepbogjap's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Xuckwee Jabnibshav Gepbogjap's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear gray.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Run away from white foxes, for they are unholy.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Xuckwee Jabnibshav Gepbogjap.