Zaklunpan is a god.

He takes the form of a small, charitable skunk.

Zaklunpan created an up quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zaklunpan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zaklunpan, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Zaklunpan's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Zaklunpan's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your legs magenta.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. You must love Zaklunpan.

4. Worship no other gods but Zaklunpan.

5. Never eat bread.