Timgedflat Bogcipkad is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, loving lobster.

Timgedflat Bogcipkad created a bottom quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Timgedflat Bogcipkad, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Timgedflat Bogcipkad, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Timgedflat Bogcipkad's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Timgedflat Bogcipkad's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint in the presence of rats.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Timgedflat Bogcipkad.

4. Never chant in holy places.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.