Labtimzed is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, strong weasel.

Labtimzed created a charm quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Labtimzed, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Labtimzed, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Labtimzed's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Labtimzed's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick mites.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Labtimzed.

3. Do not keep seven nematodes in a large pit.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate frogs.