Quamcedvil is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unsympathetic bird.

Quamcedvil created the cosmos five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamcedvil, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Quamcedvil, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Quamcedvil's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Quamcedvil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about limes.

2. Snakes are not to be trusted.

3. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

4. You must never eat cherries.

5. Never wear shoes.