Lapflagjarnfodyarrap is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, cheerful tapir.

Lapflagjarnfodyarrap created humankind seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapflagjarnfodyarrap, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lapflagjarnfodyarrap, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Lapflagjarnfodyarrap's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Lapflagjarnfodyarrap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near monkeys while wearing cyan shorts and balancing eight gold spheres on your back.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not shave your feet.

4. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

5. Lapflagjarnfodyarrap loves doves, so they must be respected.