Zedparksom is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, smart centipede.

Zedparksom created a charm quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zedparksom, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zedparksom, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Zedparksom's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Zedparksom's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Learn nine new languages a year.

5. Do not commit murder.