Fitnarlarf is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, intelligent dove.

Fitnarlarf created humanity three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitnarlarf, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fitnarlarf, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Fitnarlarf's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Fitnarlarf's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Feed all hungry great tits.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never paint your back orange.