Tikgessbum is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, moody zebra.

Tikgessbum created a down quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tikgessbum, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tikgessbum, it will jump up and down on your head.

Tikgessbum's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Tikgessbum's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Tikgessbum on top of all buildings.

2. Put Tikgessbum first in all things.

3. Do not speak about aubergines.

4. Do not hurt ants.

5. Never talk about fire.