Ontquimbit is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, emotional lizard.

Ontquimbit created gold eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontquimbit, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Ontquimbit, he will turn you into a goat.

Ontquimbit's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Ontquimbit's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never talk about nebulae.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.

5. Never wear skirts.
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