Bonkransom is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, idiotic snake.

Bonkransom created a strange quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bonkransom, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bonkransom, he will be very sad.

Bonkransom's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Bonkransom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

2. Do not keep nine sheep in a large pit.

3. You must love Bonkransom.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

5. Do not wear gold on your body.