Laggatsom is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, all-knowing sheep.

Laggatsom created water six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Laggatsom, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Laggatsom, he will turn you into a rock.

Laggatsom's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Laggatsom's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat mites with great respect.

2. Put Laggatsom first in all things.

3. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

4. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.