Pigquaffit is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, deceitful weasel.

Pigquaffit created vertebrates six million years ago.

If you believe in Pigquaffit, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Pigquaffit, it will not care.

Pigquaffit's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Pigquaffit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about doves.

2. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

3. Hide if five gulls approach from the south.

4. Never hurt tapirs.

5. Do not take Pigquaffit's name in vain.