Tonkcatnurt is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, uncaring bear.

Tonkcatnurt created the universe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkcatnurt, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tonkcatnurt, she will come to you in dreams.

Tonkcatnurt's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Tonkcatnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never think about photosynthesis.

4. Never talk about foxes.

5. Do not dye your hair indigo.