Dogtikvad is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, selfish ant.

Dogtikvad created bats five million years ago.

If you believe in Dogtikvad, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dogtikvad, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Dogtikvad's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Dogtikvad's Holy Commandments

1. Dogtikvad loves seals, so they must be honoured.

2. Never paint your arms red.

3. Never feed wheat to frogs while wearing ear rings.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not wear silicon on your body.