Goncemjatmig is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, all-powerful bear.

Goncemjatmig created the planet Mars three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Goncemjatmig, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Goncemjatmig, she will be very unhappy.

Goncemjatmig's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Goncemjatmig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at galaxies.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not dye your hair green.

4. Retreat if four birds approach from the east.

5. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.