Vegpomfet is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, fast guinea pig.

Vegpomfet created Asia eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vegpomfet, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vegpomfet, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Vegpomfet's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Vegpomfet's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Always look after injured pigs.

3. Do not speak about turnips.

4. Never feed lots of cucumbers to shrews while wearing yellow scarves.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.