Fagcumnig is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, pitiless snail.

Fagcumnig created snails five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fagcumnig, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fagcumnig, she will turn you into a sheep.

Fagcumnig's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Fagcumnig's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Fagcumnig.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always look after injured nematodes.

4. Never feed lots of parsnips to sharks while wearing turquoise shorts.

5. Hide from brown ants for they are unholy.