Cipnuldin Spagdimfum is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, vain wasp.

Cipnuldin Spagdimfum created carbon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Cipnuldin Spagdimfum, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cipnuldin Spagdimfum, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Cipnuldin Spagdimfum's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Cipnuldin Spagdimfum's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics.

2. Never wear fawn coats.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always look after injured mice.

5. Never think about dark energy.