Bemquamgod is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, humane deer.

Bemquamgod created Europe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bemquamgod, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bemquamgod, he will turn you into a puffin.

Bemquamgod's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Bemquamgod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt cats.

2. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

3. Always help bats in need.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate mites.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.