Tofpakpig is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, astonishing hedgehog.

Tofpakpig created a Higgs boson two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tofpakpig, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tofpakpig, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Tofpakpig's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Tofpakpig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Eagles are not to be trusted.

4. Never think about spacetime.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near monkeys while wearing turquoise ear rings and balancing five tin spheres on your chest.