Zimquamvan Bessnartjop is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, selfish dove.

Zimquamvan Bessnartjop created dark matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Zimquamvan Bessnartjop, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zimquamvan Bessnartjop, she will turn you into a goat.

Zimquamvan Bessnartjop's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Zimquamvan Bessnartjop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Run away if three sharks approach from the north.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.