Fomfadhapfub is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, ruthless octopus.

Fomfadhapfub created the world four billion years ago.

If you believe in Fomfadhapfub, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Fomfadhapfub, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Fomfadhapfub's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Fomfadhapfub's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fomfadhapfub.

4. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

5. Always stare at clouds.