Ontbudvin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, stupid beaver.

Ontbudvin created the planet Earth four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontbudvin, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ontbudvin, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Ontbudvin's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Ontbudvin's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from violet birds, for they are unholy.

2. Do not wear fawn clothing.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never feed spinach to doves while wearing black shoes.