Bidlanrap Mutgunwig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, loving monkey.

Bidlanrap Mutgunwig created a charm quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bidlanrap Mutgunwig, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bidlanrap Mutgunwig, he will turn you into a rat.

Bidlanrap Mutgunwig's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Bidlanrap Mutgunwig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Bidlanrap Mutgunwig loves turtles, so they must be respected.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Bidlanrap Mutgunwig loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.