Stiglamnib Bafrilpas Spagbifgess is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, astonishing porpoise.

Stiglamnib Bafrilpas Spagbifgess created bats eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stiglamnib Bafrilpas Spagbifgess, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Stiglamnib Bafrilpas Spagbifgess, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Stiglamnib Bafrilpas Spagbifgess' most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Stiglamnib Bafrilpas Spagbifgess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Run away if five bats approach from the west.