Baparnrawstan is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, dishonourable grasshopper.

Baparnrawstan created snails three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Baparnrawstan, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Baparnrawstan, she will turn you into a puffin.

Baparnrawstan's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Baparnrawstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep four swans in a large pit.

2. Never mention manatees.

3. Worship no other gods but Baparnrawstan.

4. Do not eat apples.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.