Linstighomzag is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, ruthless seal.

Linstighomzag created energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Linstighomzag, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Linstighomzag, he will ignore you.

Linstighomzag's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Linstighomzag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always wear magenta.

5. Never talk about fire.