Matabweg is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, conceited monkey.

Matabweg created a down quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Matabweg, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Matabweg, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Matabweg's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Matabweg's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not kill grasshopers.

3. Never chant near goats.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Never think about ribonucleic acid.