Laparnyik is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, strong lobster.

Laparnyik created gold three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Laparnyik, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Laparnyik, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Laparnyik's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Laparnyik's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not hurt ducks.

3. Never hurt shrews.

4. Erect a giant orange sculpture of Laparnyik in the centre of the settlement.

5. Erect a large gold sculpture of Laparnyik on top of all buildings.