Quimyimfet is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, unfair clam.

Quimyimfet created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimyimfet, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Quimyimfet, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Quimyimfet's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Quimyimfet's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about otters.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never think about dark energy near aardvarks while wearing orange tights and balancing seven nickel spheres on your head.

4. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.