Ontgemhig is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, weak gnu.

Ontgemhig created a down quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontgemhig, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Ontgemhig, it will refuse to believe in you.

Ontgemhig's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Ontgemhig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Never mention dolphins.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate grasshopers.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Always look after injured tortoises.