Futlangom is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, all-knowing dingo.

Futlangom created life seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futlangom, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Futlangom, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Futlangom's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Futlangom's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no shrews in a building before entering it.

2. Erect three zinc sculptures of Futlangom on top of important buildings.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity.

5. Never eat green fruit.