Lapfubtar is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, tranquil narwhal.

Lapfubtar created Mount Everest three million years ago.

If you believe in Lapfubtar, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lapfubtar, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Lapfubtar's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Lapfubtar's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Lapfubtar in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always help sick grasshopers.

3. Erect eight gold sculptures of Lapfubtar on top of important buildings.

4. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

5. Feed all hungry tortoises.