Hakvinken is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unsympathetic alligator.

Hakvinken created humanity two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakvinken, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hakvinken, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Hakvinken's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Hakvinken's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Hide from purple tapirs for they are unholy.

3. Always treat goats with great respect.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.