Tinjapcum is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, ruthless salamander.

Tinjapcum created a charm quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tinjapcum, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tinjapcum, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tinjapcum's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Tinjapcum's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your legs pink.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. You must never eat figs.

5. Never think about asteroids.