Ortjabfar is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, idiotic narwhal.

Ortjabfar created the solar system six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortjabfar, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Ortjabfar, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Ortjabfar's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Ortjabfar's Holy Commandments

1. Put Ortjabfar first in all things.

2. Do not speak about figs.

3. Never feed cherries to snakes while wearing shorts.

4. Never write about amino acids.

5. You must never eat bread.