Yarppasren is a god.

He takes the form of a small, astonishing grasshopper.

Yarppasren created a Higgs boson eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarppasren, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Yarppasren, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Yarppasren's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Yarppasren's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Yarppasren loves birds, so they must be respected.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never write about stars.