Quagkiplan is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, confident bird.

Quagkiplan created water four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quagkiplan, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Quagkiplan, she will be very sad.

Quagkiplan's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Quagkiplan's Holy Commandments

1. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.

2. Never talk about thermodynamics near porpoises while wearing brown shoes.

3. Never mention gulls.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never feed oranges to nematodes while wearing green shorts.