Vonkdidtom is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, intelligent hummingbird.

Vonkdidtom created bats five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkdidtom, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonkdidtom, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Vonkdidtom's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Vonkdidtom's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed nuts to shrews while wearing trousers.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vonkdidtom.

3. Never write about planets.

4. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.

5. Always help hamsters.