Vagflamjan is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, sapient lizard.

Vagflamjan created a quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vagflamjan, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vagflamjan, he will turn you into a puffin.

Vagflamjan's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Vagflamjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at moons.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

4. Never think about gravity near ants while wearing violet rings and balancing four zinc spheres on your chest.

5. Hide if seven ducks approach from the west.