Cimyim is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, awesome octopus.

Cimyim created everything that exists two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cimyim, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Cimyim, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Cimyim's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Cimyim's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never talk about gravity near swans while wearing brown tights.

3. Learn four new languages a year.

4. Never look at moons.

5. You must pray to Cimyim seven times a day.