Quamtalsaw Dutfomcib is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, astonishing donkey.

Quamtalsaw Dutfomcib created the Andromeda Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamtalsaw Dutfomcib, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quamtalsaw Dutfomcib, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Quamtalsaw Dutfomcib's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Quamtalsaw Dutfomcib's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime near foxes while wearing cyan tights and balancing eight carbon spheres on your head.

2. Do not speak about nuts.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never wear blue dresses.

5. Never paint your arms mauve.