Funkimfet is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, merciful mink.

Funkimfet created everything that exists five billion years ago.

If you believe in Funkimfet, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Funkimfet, she will turn you into a plant.

Funkimfet's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Funkimfet's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not hurt frogs.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.

5. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Funkimfet in the centre of the settlement.