Fomtamflis Gonwityarp is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, resourceful salamander.

Fomtamflis Gonwityarp created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fomtamflis Gonwityarp, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Fomtamflis Gonwityarp, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Fomtamflis Gonwityarp's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Fomtamflis Gonwityarp's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Fomtamflis Gonwityarp in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never think about special relativity near great tits while wearing black scarves and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your back.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. You must love Fomtamflis Gonwityarp.

5. Never talk about electromagnetism near hamsters while wearing mauve shirts and balancing four nickel spheres on your arms.