Vegcinwat is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, deceitful squid.

Vegcinwat created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Vegcinwat, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Vegcinwat, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vegcinwat's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Vegcinwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat tomatoes.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never feed wheat to tapirs while wearing gray kilts.