Jampondun is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, intelligent human.

Jampondun created the planet Saturn nine million years ago.

If you believe in Jampondun, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jampondun, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jampondun's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Jampondun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never feed parsnips to doves while wearing white shoes.

3. Never talk about dark matter.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near otters while wearing green jumpers and balancing seven silver spheres on your arms.

5. Always help sick shrews.