Cemartmip is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, overgenerous cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Cemartmip created humanity two billion years ago.

If you believe in Cemartmip, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cemartmip, she will strike you with lightening.

Cemartmip's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Cemartmip's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Rats are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Run away if eight horses approach from the south.

5. Retreat if four nematodes approach from the north.